I kinda want to get this off my chest because I’ve been feeling a bit guilty about it. So, prepare for a bit of a vent. (I don’t know how much because I don’t know exactly where this is going yet.)
I am a special needs mom.
I don’t talk about it much here on the blog, at least not in the last couple years. But my days are constantly filled with dealing with addressing the needs of a young person who isn’t quantifiably normal. Anger outbursts are frequent in my house. Having to deal with the meltdowns, the appointments, the blood draws, and the general unpredictability of never knowing how my days are going to go is an exercise in patience.
Some days, I pass.
Sometimes I don’t.
Being a special needs mom, a lot of my friends and acquaintances are also special needs moms. And while I try to be a sympathetic ear, it honestly gets tiring sometimes to hear of another sick baby, or a fundraiser, or a family going to transplant, or a kid who’s facing a night, a weekend, a week in the hospital because of RSV, the flu, strep throat, etc.
I mean, seriously tiring.
Sometimes, I feel guilty for just clicking the little “sad” emoticon on a Facebook status. Because what more can I *really* do? I live 100 miles, 1000 miles, a world away from the family. It’s not that I don’t care, but I can’t DO anything! (Other than pray–that’s a big deal in and of itself.) And I can only do so much monetarily or time-wise.
I have my own family to worry about, too. I have homeschooling, dealing with breakdowns, dealing with appointments, oh, and let’s not forget books to write.
I think if most special needs moms would admit it, they feel for every other family who is going through anything remotely similar to what they go through or have gone through. But sometimes, the story hits a little too close to home. It’s a little TOO familiar. It hurts a little TOO much. I can’t read fiction stories about families who have lost children to illness. Just can’t. Maybe I never will. Movies? Better not have me watch them. I’ll take my rom-com’s and superhero movies. (BTW, first time on here since Star Wars? LOVED it!) Just don’t make me watch a sad movie about a kid dying.
So, what’s the point?
I’m not 100% sure. But maybe now you’ve seen a bit of my heart about being a special needs mom, you’ll give a special needs mom you know some TLC. (And dads too.) Whether we deal with medical problems, behavioral problems, developmental problems or some combination of the three, it’s a tough journey to be on. Knowing others are in the same boat you are can be helpful. But it can also be downright exhausting.
For most of us, wine and chocolate would be greatly appreciated. Or a massage.
Yeah, a massage sounds pretty good around now…